so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
