i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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