Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize