1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
