Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
