oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
