You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
