There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
