he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my shit smells like andre
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
