hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
