hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize