well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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