my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
