He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
