i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
