he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize