did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
