Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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