Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize