She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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