I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
