That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
