i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
