a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
