You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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