I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
