if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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