Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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