its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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