I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
