you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
