I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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