he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
