my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
