Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm passing your future prison.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
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