Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
