um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
PANTIES FOUND
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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