She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
