yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
