You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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