You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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