I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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