so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Green mimosas i think yes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize