12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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