Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
