Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize