I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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