umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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