I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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