jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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