Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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