I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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