Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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