I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to make out with him forever
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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