C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
