Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When are your genitals available?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
