Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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