I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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