evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
