All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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