i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
