all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
