I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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