I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
