I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
