I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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