Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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