this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
