Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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