If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
