I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
